Got a toothbrush?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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