SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
