I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
