Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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