Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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