He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
