dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
