She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
