just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
