i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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