woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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