i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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