i think my tv is drunk
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
