Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
