I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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