Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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