This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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