I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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