i permit you to call me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
