; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
