i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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