Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am available for nakedness
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
