Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pants are for mortals
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
