I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize