She went from zero to smokin in five shots
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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