shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
