I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
