Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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