when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
