I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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