Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
