I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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