Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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