I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
