i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
