i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The uberlube is also flammable
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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