u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
