i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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