i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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