So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
