You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up under a house in Key West
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