Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
