why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
