You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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