no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
