3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
