He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
