I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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