Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
