it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
