at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
