im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize