Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
