It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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