Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
