Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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