so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
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