Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
try to milk me bitch
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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