is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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