She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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