i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
