apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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