If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
