Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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