I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize