Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
