i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
