"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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