Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
