i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize