You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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