does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
