Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
