I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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