how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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