nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
