A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
