I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
do nipples grow back?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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