I got chris browned last night
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
