I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
