He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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