I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
