If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
