Having a random hookup so left but love u
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
