wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
