so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
