Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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