youre lurking in front of me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
