bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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