O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
