i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
