i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
