ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
