I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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