My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
