garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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