I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
