We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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