You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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