He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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