I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
