dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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