My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
