His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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