When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
