Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
