Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
