Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
