Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
