yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
