then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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