go do what you do best...puke behind churches
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
