She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
