Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
