Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
