I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
did you just send me my own nude
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
