hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
